


Do you feel love?

by Reasons_Why_Im_Crazy



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist
Genre: F/M, mentions of blood because it's Lucifer we're talking about here, this is kinda sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2019-02-11 08:39:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12931635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reasons_Why_Im_Crazy/pseuds/Reasons_Why_Im_Crazy
Summary: Lucifer asks Hexe if she can feel loveTo fully understand who Hexe is, you must first have read "Wanted"





	Do you feel love?

”Hexe?”

”Yes Commander?”

”Have you ever felt love?” It is a surprising question, really. Hexe looks up from her report to study Lucifer’s face. As usual, there is not a lot to find. He’s laying still on his back with his right hand clutching the blanket that’s covering him, his mouth is half-open, breathing slowly. He’s as usual in great pain but his face won’t show it. Instead, his eyes are wide open; his slit pupils are so thin they’re almost gone. 

“Didn’t you tell me that? When I first came here, you told me I did not have a human soul to love with”

“I did, but I can be wrong, can’t I?” Lucifer coughs into his left hand, his right clutching the blanket even tighter. Hexe lays one hand on his head and brushes away his bangs. His eyes are bleeding, and she wipes the blood away with tissues. Lucifer then lays back down. His eyes still red of blood.

Truth is Hexe has been thinking about it as well. After they took her in, the Illuminati trained her to be this emotionless machine, the perfect right hand for the Commander. She would be able to tell what would be the best for their organization but at the same time taking care of the Commander himself and making sure he doesn’t overdo his vessel.

Hexe began to feel a faint emotion for Lucifer. It was respect. She hasn’t felt anything like it before, not for her brother or her parents. She would sit with the recruits and listen to his speeches and encouragements, and it drove her determination.

Later on, this emotion got stronger and formed into a sort of admiration. It developed after she saw him execute an American spy from the True Cross. By that time, she had gotten her title as the advisor. It was an innocent feeling, in Hexe’s opinion. She didn´t obsess over Lucifer as Michael Gedouin did. She simply looked up to him.

But that opinion was ruined rather quickly after she saw his vessel give up for the first time. They were walking away from an important meeting and Lucifer had gotten quite stressed over the discussions. His vessel gave up on him as the elixir in his body started to wear off. He leaned against the wall, coughing and bending over. Blood ran out of his mouth and eyes. Hexe hadn’t seen anything like it before and got closer to ask what happened to him. Lucifer wrapped one arm around her shoulder for support and, with the little energy he had left, whispered with a weak voice “Take me to the doctors”

Hexe had carried him until she saw the first random guard and told him to find any doctor immediately. Thankfully it didn’t take much time and Lucifer got back to bed, the elixir replaced and his body cleaned from blood. Hexe hadn’t been able to forget the smell of his rotten vessel.

When the doctor had explained to her later that day what happened, and the condition of Lucifer’s vessel, the admiral tuned into care. She never wanted to see Lucifer on the brick of dying again. It had worked well and the doctors complimented her skill of preventing the Commander to overuse his vessel.

Later on, Hexe had conflicts about her emotions. She could feel anger, chock, and on rare occasions, happiness. But this wasn’t any of them. It was every emotion at the same time. It didn’t help when she was ordered to stay at Lucifer’s bedside when he rested. His vessel can’t handle being active every hour of the day, so he’s being drugged and is laying in his bed for a couple of hours.

It would be silent, late into the night. The doctors said Hexe would sleep after the Commander woke up. She would just have to sit there and watch over him to make sure nothing happened to him. He would be vulnerable to the outside world and her job was to make sure nothing happened to him.

The first nights went okay. Lucifer would just lie there and Hexe read a book to keep herself awake. But, during the third night, when she had managed to finish her book, she just studied the demon’s face. He is beautiful, as many would say. He has noticeable cheekbones and a sharp jawline. His skin clear and pale, his eyelashes long and dark, unusual since his hair is blonde. He moved very little as he rested, but as she watched him, he tilted his head and small strands of his hair fell over his face. Unconsciously, Hexe rose her hand and brushed away the hair very gently.

Lucifer moved his head again and slowly opened his eyes, and looked directly at her. His pupils were round and dark. Hexe pulled her hand back and looked away from him.

“My apologies for waking you up” she muttered.

“It is fine” Lucifer replied softly. Then they both were silent. Hexe felt an ugly feeling in her stomach at that moment. She believed it was shame; she touched something she wasn’t supposed to touch and got caught doing it. The feeling was so ugly she stood up from her seat and made her way to the door.

“Well since you´re awake, I can leave you alone-”

“No...! Stay” Lucifer interrupted. He voice was still soft, but as Hexe turned around to look at him, she saw he frowned. It made the feeling of “shame” fade slightly and she sat down on the chair next to the bed again. Lucifer seemed relieved by that, but his frown were still on his face. He inhaled sharply and startled, clutching the bedsheets, and coughed violently.

“You are in pain, let me get the doctors” Hexe insisted. Anything to make them not being alone together. Lucifer just shook his head.

“I’m always in pain” he says and his face softens. “The drugs will only put my mind at ease and make my body numb. I can still feel it all” Hexe scowls.

“There are drugs that can numb your entire nerve system. Why aren’t you using them?”

“I am using them” Lucifer answers. “And they work for a couple of hours. Then, as the elixir induces in my body and my cells changing so quickly, the drugs loses its effect. I fact, I believe they don’t work at all, but the doctors says they do more good than harm”

It occurred to Hexe as they spoke that Lucifer was actually affected by the drugs, even though he didn’t notice himself. He was bolder than usual and slurred sometimes as he spoke. One time he shuddered and seemed almost lost, maybe because his mind was so fogged but he could still feel the pain in his body, he began being disoriented. Hexe felt yet another ugly feeling in her chest and she grasped his hand without thinking. It eased Lucifer somehow and his breathing evened. A few hours later the doctors came in to check his body and changing the tank of the elixir, Hexe was ordered to go to her own room and rest.

It became a routine after that. Lucifer would woke up after a few hours, confused and frightened, and Hexe would have to talk him out of that state and distract him from the pain. It gave them a tight bond, and Hexe’s feelings didn’t ease.

The ugly feelings stacked together and got stronger the more time she spent with Lucifer. She adored his eyes, his hair and the way his tail flicked as he thought of something amusing. She admired his confidence and bravery, yet speaking gently and even at difficult times. She would die for him in order to continue his goal to give Satan a vessel.

Should she tell Lucifer about these feelings? Probably. As her Commander, she should tell him that she, a witch, has strong emotions that blinds her vision and sense of strategy. That would be the logical thing to do.

That would also mean she would have to confess her feelings, to look Lucifer in the eye and say that she loved him. Hexe wouldn’t make a big fuss about it if she knew he would return her feelings.

But Lucifer is a demon, and she knows demons can’t feel love. That’s the main reason why witches aren’t supposed to love either, because they have the same source of life force as demons. Instead of returned feelings, Hexe would end up with more ugly emotions, stacked and blocking her view of what’s important. No, confessing her emotions would only do more harm than good. That’s the logic.

“No, Commander. I cannot feel love”

**Author's Note:**

> Whoop whoop a new fic already?? Yeah I'm surprised as well. I hope you all liked this! Please comment if there's anything you want to tell me


End file.
